Rough week

Thank you for the positive comments. I really needed them. I have some stuff going on (husband going back to work after being laid off for 5 months, babysitter not available, job drama - renovations- possible furloughs - and I will not be able to change positions which I have been counting on for 3 years (devastating news for me), baseball season is here and I have 5 (yes I said 5) boys - that's alot of practices and games, meetings 2 days a week until 6, several students that are struggling and I am running out of ideas to try to reach them.) and it is a very rough week. I really need to get all this under control. I know I will persevere but right now I am feeling like I am being hit from all sides and it is all I can do to not throw my arms up in front of my face, curl into a ball and cry. I am going to refocus all my energy back toward my family and my job until this all settles down. I know that I need to put myself first sometimes but right now is not that time. I will post again when I resurface.......

still wondering

I am almost a month into this adventure and I am still wondering if I did the right thing. I get my first fill the end of next week. I hope that helps change my perspective.  I think I am just frustrated because I spent the last week in the throws of a pms gnash. I wanted to eat 24/7.  I made some discoveries... I can eat anything and as much as I want with no ill effects at this point. Not a good discovery..  I refuse to get on the scale because I don't want to know what damage I inflicted. Yes I know I am a coward but I also know what I can handle at this point. So did I make the right choice? I don't know. Ten days ago I was feeling good about all this.... now not so much.

The American Cancer Society - 2011 Relay For Life of Venango County:

The American Cancer Society - 2011 Relay For Life of Venango County:

keep still and breath

Keep still and breath is the advice a good friend gave me today when she called and found me in a tizzy.

First day back to work was good but this week is turning out to be a very stressful one.  I had a meeting after work until 6:30, making today an 11 hour work day. Got home and husband is in pain (think it is kidney stones - what to do?), First grader threw up right before dismissal and had to be picked up because the school didn't want to put him on the bus, and I have a 5 year old that is supposed to go to kindergarten registration tomorrow.  And I have another meeting on Thursday that lasts until 5:30.

I need to clone myself.

With the Mr sick, the first grader sick, and me having limited sick time (since I was just off a couple weeks for my surgery) I don't know how I am going to get my 5 yr old registered for kindergarten. I can't really take any more time off. My sub has been placed for the rest of the year in another classroom. The first grader needs to stay home, their dad needs to stay home or go to the doctor or something, so now I have some things to figure out.

Yes I need to be still and breath because tomorrow I am going to be running in a thousand different directions.

Back to work tomorrow

I have to go back to work tomorrow and I really would rather not. I have been teaching for 17 years, had 5 children and took a leave with each. I never wanted to stay home as much as I do now. I don't know why returning is so different this time, and it was a shorter leave than when I had the boys. I have enjoyed being home with my boys so much and the idea of leaving them to go teach other people's children makes me kinda sad. I do think my first graders are special and I have missed them, but I knew they were in very capable hands.


My back to work worries.....
     How do I get enough to drink unless I drink in front of my students
     No eating in front of them so I am going to have to 
                          sneak protein drinks (YUK) for "snacks"
     Packing the 'right stuff' for lunch
      I am going to be tired without my coffee
     Still limited to 10 pounds lifting and my school bag is heavier than
                          that (I had a hernia repaired when I was banded)
     Maybe the kids liked the sub better than me ( I know I shouldn't
                         care but I do) She IS wonderful.
     Hope the kids were good and I am not returning to any new problems
     The waistband of my pants irritates the almost healed incision at my port site
      I am going to miss my own children like crazy!!!!!
      I have SSSSOOOOOOO much paperwork to get caught up on
      I'm going to miss my Mr.
      I have to get up at 5:30 ... What if I sleep thru my alarm
     
I know I am over-emotional. It goes along with this time of the month (OH and that is late! and I am NOT pg - I guess it the "stress" I put my body thru this month and not being around any females in about 3 weeks - got my hormones all out of whack - Wonder if this is common.)

How much do you weigh Mommy?

That is what my just turned 5 yr old asked me after all the boys had taken a turn on the scale. We had made the 5 yr old get weighed to make sure he wasn't losing weight (he just had his tonsils out a week ago). As usual, the boys (I have 5) and my Mr each took a turn. I answered, "35 pounds". They looked at me kinda funny but no one had the nerve to ask except the 5 yr old. He said "nu-uh. Mommy, how much?". I then told them. "Mommy won't tell you what she weighs until she is ready to, but I will tell you I have lost 35 pounds and I worked very hard to lose each one of them. They seemed ok with that answer.

I lost an entire Sammy!

I got to thinking after that. When they were taking turns on the scale, my 3 yr old weighed 33 lbs. I have lost an entire Sammy! When I think about it that way, it is an amazing accomplishment.


So tell me why I do not see any difference. I haven't changes size in anything. I haven't noticed any difference in my appearance, not even my face which is usually the first place I notice weight fluctuations. Not in the fit of my rings, which is another place I usually notice an early difference.


My question is... how much before you started to notice a change in yourself?

I did it.

On March 1st 2011, I had surgery to have a hernia repaired and have a lap band put in.  I was scared. Truly terrified. But I DID IT!!!!


 I had battled paperwork for months and was at the point of giving up when I got the call and was scheduled.


The surgery was not as bad as I had anticipated. The first few days were rough. The 2nd week much easier. I now only have any discomfort when I sneeze or cough hard. It feels like I can feel the stitches, those holding the port in place and those at the hernia repair,  pulling harshly on the muscle. Ouch!


I had 2 weeks of phase 1 (liquids) and am now on phase 2 Doc told me anything pureed and soft foods.  I feel very little restriction at all (I won't have my first fill until April 5th). I have to be careful not to eat too much (because I still can) and watch both protien and calorie intake.


I am getting excited about the possibility of what is to come.